May 24, 2011 - Day 9

    "God understands our prayers even when we can’t find the words to say them." – Author Unknown

The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”

       Today we had class in the morning and we then went over to Retreat on the Street where we got there as Bible Study ended so we just hung out with everyone. I talked to Hana, JB, and Steven for a bit when we got lunch and Jim began talking about one of his past experiences. He talked about going on a boat with his wife and how he loved the speed and adrenaline but when he let his wife take control, the boat lost control and almost ended both of their lives. He compared that to his past experience in using drugs in that he took those he loved on dangerous, adrenaline-filled "adventures" and came out with unlikely consequences. Some of those he loved ended up getting hurt because he invited them to do something unnecessary that he considered "fun". Jim sharing his story really opened my eyes and helped me realize just how everyone has a story and how we all go through problems that we overcome (which Jim did and now has a lovely family!)
      After Jim shared his story, I began talking to Steven where he told me about his broken relationship with his family. Several times he tried working things out but he got to a point where he just doesn't want to have anything to do with them; he wants to live in isolation and have time to find himself and find out what God wants in his life. He also told me how he's struggled with meth for a few months but when he got out of it, those 9 months that he isolated himself from his family were "the best months of [his] life". He also told me how he doesn't want to attach himself to anyone because he's sick of getting hurt. This sounded strangely familiar and I was praying the entire time for God to help me in what I needed to say. But he kept on talking and just as he was about to get up and leave I told him how during all those times that he feels alone, God is with him.
      This seemed to peak his interest and sat down and I told him about the footsteps in the sand. When I was talking, I saw myself in him. All the crap that I've been through came flashing back at me and it was like I was talking to myself but I was facing Steven. I told him how my first semester was full of hurt and full of things I couldn't take back but I wish I could. That I couldn't forgive myself and I couldn't imagine God forgiving me. I struggled for it for the longest time but it was when I finally felt like I had nothing to give that I gave it all to God. That was the best decision of my life. Since then I was able to put it all in the past and know that God did things for a reason. And throughout all the hurt and loneliness that I've felt, I knew that Jesus was right behind me, listening to my cries and praying for me. All this I told Steven. Once I finished he completely opened himself up to me and told me about his entire family situation, how his relationship with his father was poor but ended well, how his father passed away and his mother and sister didn't care. How he used drugs and drinking to ease the pain but it ended up causing him greater pain. But that he finally realized he wants to end this vicious cycle and have a life. I told him that he should be proud of himself to admit to all he's done and to all his past because many people never do. I could tell as soon as I said that, that he appreciated me saying that.
     Most of the time people need to feel appreciated. And I think that's what Steven needed. He also needed someone to help push him to the right way. Just like JB changed his life and is helping to change Steven's, Steven is slowly realizing that he needs to do some of the pushing himself. I prayed to God last night to help me with words and with helping people. I know God put Steven in my life today to help face myself in all the pain I went through and the pain that Steven is/was going through. Goodness God works in mysterious ways.
     At about 3 we went to the Lot and didn't see anyone there so we all went to my place and read for a bit. At 6 we went back to the Lot and I was expecting to see Josh but never did. I don't know if it's because of the conversation we had yesterday or because he forgot... but I missed that kid. He asked me yesterday if I was gonna be here today and I said yes. So hopefully he just forgot. I pray that everything continues to go well with him. I also pray for God to continue guiding us interns, especially to have patience.
Jenny Sample